TexasCHLforum.com

This is a question that I have been putting off asking for awhile. I had hoped that I could answer it on my own but so far no luck.
My question is: What can I do to help my wife see why I got my CHL and why I want to carry it everywhere that it is legal for me to?
Alittle back ground: I have been married just over 2 years. I got my CHL this last March. She knew that I was getting it and was ok with that. But now that I have it she does not like for me to carry. If I am going out by myself or without her then I carry. But if she is with me right now I do not carry. I have carried a few times when she was with me and she did not know. But I try to respect how she feels. I have tried talking to her about why I carry, but she just says that she can take care of herself.
I have told her that I know that she can, but there are things out in this world that not even she could take care of.
She wont even give me an answer as to why she does not want me to carry other then that she just does not want me to.
Can anyone point me to something that might help me with her?
Thanks for any help.

I have taken her to go shooting. In fact, she may be a better shot then I am.
She just thinks that the guns should stay at home or the range.

good question, I hope some of the women on the forum speak up here too.

My wife was the same way. She was actually a bit worse at first. She liked having the gun in the house for security but did NOT like the idea of me carrying it around with me.

I tried to casually talk to her about it a few times, but she would clam up as to WHY she was uncomfortable. I dont think she actually knew why in hindsight. It just wasn't something she was raised with (carrying).

I finally sat down and had a heart to heart and laid out my reasons and actually had a drafted list, gave her a few news clippings to read where CHL folks had defended themselves. After she read the articles she did a 180 on my carrying and actually decided she eventually wants to get a CHL too.

Then I talked her into going to the range. She discovered she didn't like my .45 (too much kick, scares her), but she LOVED the 9mm my buddy brought with us. She now wants one of her own and I'm actually trying to trade down to 9mm now for capacity reasons. She discovered she really likes shooting and oddly enough she thinks "it's really hot" when I'm shooting. Now i'm not allowed to go to the range without her and I usually get mauled when I get home.

We're also looking at doing IDPA matches when we get a 9mm and can get some more practice in. She's excited about it and it's something we can do together.



If you try the above and it still doesn't work let me know and I'll put my woman on the phone with your woman and see if they can speak that secret wife language they all have.

Note: Not typical results. Your results may vary.

Take her to http://www.corneredcat.com/ for a woman's perspective.

You have a tough row to hoe. At first, my wife didn't see why I packed at church. Now, it is not a big deal.

One thing for certain is that she will listen to someone else first before she will listen to you, especially if it is a woman.

If you do take her shooting, see if there is a womans program like PSC near Houston has. Let her get together with all of the estrogen laden XX types away from us testosterone laden XY types.

Anygun

Jedi and Anygun,
Thanks for the insight.
I will try to get her to look at cornerdcat.com.
I will also print out some news clippings about CHL holders defending themselves and others.
I just hope that she will read them.

Just remember you wear the pants in the family after she picks them out for you.

My wife has issues with guns but is slowly warming up to, now she has a CHL. Also I have the easy reason "I had the guns and CHL before we met".

Brian

Fourman wrote:Just remember you wear the pants in the family after she picks them out for you.

My wife has issues with guns but is slowly warming up to, now she has a CHL. Also I have the easy reason "I had the guns and CHL before we met".

Brian

That is so ture, she does pick them out. Maybe not pick them out, but has made me change which pants I was wearing.
I hope that she will come around to letting me carry more.
I have gotten all of my guns since we got together.

You can really impress her with this thread:

http://www.texasshooting.com/TexasCHL_F ... ight=women

Anygun

Everyone has their own reason for carrying. Some think it's prudent from general knowledge and experience. Some have been threatened, or had a loved one threatened or become a crime victim.

You will need to take your wife's personality into account. Too many true-crime stories may just frighten her without leading her to think that carrying is a good idea. Some of the Cornered Cat stories are very compelling, though. You should also be able to find essays by Sandy Froman (NRA President) online.

Meanwhile, I think it's safe to say that your wife (or anyone) will become more comfortable around weapons with time and lack of negative experiences. I've seen it happen.

- Jim

Sounds like "deja-vu" all over for me. Here's what worked for me, and maybe it'll work for you.

Be patient and honest. Have several discussions with her, finding out her issues and roadblocks. Talk about her fears. Keep it open and honest, but use this time to find out her doubts. Don't try to solve them at first, just listen. Once my wife and I really started talking about it, she got past the typical anti arguments (mostly false and Hollywood driven), and I started to find out her real issues. Over time, start addressing these fears with sound answers and facts, try to keep your emotions in check.

While listening to these talks, start formulating your true reason for carrying. My reasons were primarily for security and "self-preservation" of the family. If you have kids, be sure you have a plan to address the security of the gun (home safe, car safe, etc). Talk about how you plan to educate your kids on gun safety.

It took me about a year to convince my wife it was a good idea, and she is ok with it now. But once she understood why I wanted to carry, and how I was planning on doing it, and how I would protect/educate the kids, she came around to it.

One discussion point I used that was very effective was:

When we're 90 years old, I really hope you'll hit me in the back of the head and say "See I told you so, you didn't need to carry that piece of metal around for all of those years, see you didn't need it." I'd rather have that conversion with you than the "I wish I had been carrying when XYZ happened many years ago, I could have prevent ABC from getting hurt."

I asked her which conversation she'd rather have when we're 90.

Furthermore, get some training, even if it is basic. Learn to use the gun correctly and safely. Show your wife that you're serious about safety. Start competing in IPSC and/or IDPA. This will get you familiar with your gun.

Good luck, but be patient, and she'll come around. Just my $0.02....

Ryan

AggieMM wrote:Don't try to solve them at first, just listen.

golden advice there!

You're going to need to find out what her reasons are for thinking this way. Once you understand this, you can more reasonably approach her.
There are many articles about people being attacked with and without firearms; the outcomes are usually quite different.

As for her "not letting you" carry, you need to remember that it's your choice. I'm sure this may be a pick-your-battles issue for you, as it is with many.

For awhile, my husband didn't want me to carry unless I was traveling. I remember us preparing to go somewhere, and he told me I needed to go back to the bedroom and put the gun away. I said, "Make me," and proceeded to the truck. We went wherever it was we were going, and that was the end of that.
There are many things that I will give on, but I decided that this wasn't one. In this case, I feel (and felt at the time) that carrying was a wise choice, and I would do it. Over time, he warmed up to the idea. Meeting Charles, Marc & a few others helped.
He recently took his CHL class.

Look at what's bothering her, and see how you should approach it. Know that it may take time.

I guess that I have been going about it the wrong way to find out what her reasons are. I have tried for the last 2 to 3 weeks to find out.
So far what I do know is this, she thinks that the gun that I normaly carry is to big. Yes it is a big gun, HK USP 45 FS, but no one has seen it when I have carried it. Plus she thinks that waistband carry is wrong. But she wont tell me why she thinks this way.
Thanks to all why have given me some tips to try. I hope that one day she will come to understand why I carry.

It's not illegal or alarming to have a bulge under your clothing. More people than not walk around with multiple cell phones, Blackberry-type devices, and MP3 players on their belts.

People seem to have two completely different reasons for being timid about weapons

• They think the weapon will "go off" and injure someone.
• Preparing for a dangerous or unpleasant situation forces them to think about what might happen.

The first can be reasoned with. You can put a snap cap into the weapon and let the person try to make it "go off" without pulling the trigger. You can also show that most holsters point the barrel away from the wearer's body.

The second is more difficult because the person's mindset needs to be changed. Pretending that emergencies won't occur doesn't change the reality of a situation; it just means you're not prepared. I don't have a quick fix for that.

- Jim